Earliest Memory

Some time ago,  I’d attended a writers workshop where we were asked to try and conjure up one of our earliest sensory memories. Part of an essay by Virginia Wolfe was read outloud in which she remembered resting her head in her mother’s lap and seeing the red poppy flower print on the fabric of her mother’s dress. I might have just made up the poppy part because although I remembered trying to envision the fabric when I first heard the essay, it might have been roses. The distance made of time and my own imagination could very well be responsible for what often occurs in memoir writing, the writer’s dreams and wishes filter the writing altering the original sensory perception.

Here, one of the earliest memories of mine…as I remember it today, onVeteran’s Day.

 My mother, grandmother, and I are on a train, stopped somewhere in the deep South. We are headed for Miami, where my father, a Navy man, has been stationed. Outside, a throng of rowdy sailors are cheering loudly. Barely two, I notice the sailors’ broad handsome smiles and the longing in their eyes. They press their hands and faces against the window. The train whistles its joyous but urgent sound. I watch my mother stamp a kiss on the streaked glass, then lift her head, flipping her long blonde hair so it falls over one eye like her screen idol, Veronica Lake. The sailors jump wildly and run alongside the train. My grandmother turns away, but I, having just undressed my doll, hold it high… hoping they will see. Please see. Finally, I steal back the attention and wave to the sailors who become specks of white in the dusk of the hazy, summer night.

Interviewing My Father

Asking Dad

 

Many years ago, when I’d asked my father if I could interview him for a course assignment, he seemed a bit hesitant. “Okay, but don’t ask me anything about my sex life,” he cautioned. I promised that I would oblige, even though he had just raised my curiosity level to an all time high. To save money, and because frugality defined him, he suggested I call him on his Watts line in Florida─ at the decorator fabric company where he worked part time as a credit manager. When I finally called, he immediately said : “Okay kid, shoot.”

 

 
Dad was ready for me, wanting to know how long this would take. Even in semi-retirement, he remained a busy, conscientious no-nonsense guy. I tried loosening him up a bit by talking about my daughters, his favorite subject, and slowly his defenses softened. Although he was 67 at the time, he said he felt like 39. He was sure that had something to do with not retiring completely and feeling valuable in the business world. I asked my father if he harbored any regrets. He answered no just a little too quickly, which made me remember how he once said he wanted to be a doctor or a dentist. Since his mother was widowed young, left with three small sons, Dad the youngest, he quickly pushed away that dream. But when we were growing up, Dad became our in-house medic whenever any of us got sick. A dot of Mercurochrome could cure anything from a little scratch to a massive bug bite. And he was a master at pulling out a dangling tooth.
 
 
 
When I asked about his proudest accomplishments, he said: raising a family where everyone could stand on their own feet, where nobody was “screwed up.” I giggled then hearing a bit of Archie Bunker and wondering if he knew I was still in therapy. But I wanted specifics about him. He was a 90 Day Wonder in the Navy learning the equivalency of 4 years of college in three short months. He had invented and patented a snow tire contraption that unfortunately never sold. And he had owned his own fabric company in New York City for over twenty years. Suddenly, I became aware of the role reversal with my strong, dominating father. I was enjoying the control and of course his undivided attention. I made him vulnerable with a question about his childhood: what was his most vivid childhood memory? Dad didn’t hesitate for a second when he told me he was three years old when he’s crawled up into his dying father’s bed and fed him some grapes. He said he remembered his father’s glowing smile.
 
 
 
His advice to his grandchildren and the future great-grandchildren was to concentrate on their education. He stressed learning as a most powerful tool. He hoped his loved ones would learn to cope with change and reality in this new and difficult world. Time was running out, but I wanted to ask how he felt about being interviewed by me, his only daughter. “ Good,” Dad said flatly. “I always thought we had a good rapport. We could always talk about any subject, and say things to each other, what’s the word?” he said. “Love?” I beckoned. “Yes,” he answered quickly.
 
 
“That and communication…that’s it, communication!”
 
 
Dad’s birthday was September 28th…he would have been 97!